Tulisanku: November 2020

Suatu hari saya melihat salah satu unggahan status whatsapp salah seorang teman, sebuah foto yang menunjukkan sepatu dengan solnya yang sudah menganga. Rupanya ia telah memakainya dengan semangat. Dari situ saya teringat tentang kisah sepatu saya.

Saat itu saya duduk di bangku sekolah menengah pertama. Saya adalah siswi yang alhamdulillah beruntung bisa melanjutkan sekolah Negeri, bagi saya saat itu biaya sekolah cukup mahal dengan kondisi keluarga yang cukup dengan tiga saudara yang harus diberi nafkah oleh bapak. Ibu saya adalah pejuang yang telah memperjuangkan saya agar bisa sekolah dengan biaya dispensasi. Ibu berusaha mendapatkan keringanan biaya dari pihak sekolah agar saya bisa tetap sekolah dengan biaya yang cukup. Bahkan beliau harus mendatangi Kepala sekolah secara langsung, tapi memang dari pihak sekolah sangat baik hati menawarkan wali murid untuk mengajukan keriganan biaya pendidikan apabila dirasa kurang mampu. karena tugas saya adalah sekolah dan belajar jadi ibu dan bapak tidak pernah membebani saya dengan pikiran biaya sekolah.

Seragam atau atribut baru adalah hal yang jarang saya miliki ketika masih duduk di bangku sekolah, kebanyakan adalah lungsuran dari kakak atau tetangga. Mulai dari seragam, tas, sepatu, jilbab, atau yang lainnya. Prinsipnya ibuk adalah jika ada yang masih bagus dipakai kenapa tidak? Karena harus segera digunakan, ya saya pakai. Sebagai remaja yang sedang beradaptasi dengan dunia remaja dan pertemanan pernah terbesit insecure dengan yang dimiliki tapi seiring waktu berjalan saya bisa menikmati apapun yang saya pakai dan terima, toh tidak melanggar peraturan dan masih bisa bersekolah, its okay.

Kali ini tentang sepatu. Saya masih duduk di tahun pertama menjadi siswa SMP. Ibu tidak membelikanku sepatu baru karena sepatu semester kemarin masih bisa dipakai meski saya tidak suka dengan modelnya. Namun senangnya, salah seorang teman karib saya memberi sepasang sepatu miliknya yang masih cukup bagus daripada milik saya. Alhasil saya punya dua pasang sepatu. Karena model sepatu pemberian temanku lebih menarik sayapun sering memakainya. Sepatu hitam dengan model tali dan lupa mereknya. Merek baguslah pokoknya. karena bagi saya itu cukup menambah percaya diri seorang macam saya.

Setelah lama dipakai, bagian tepi belakang sol sepatu sebelah kanan sudah mulai terlepas tapi masih bisa dipakai, jadi saya masih tidak terganggu. Toh banyak sepatu milik teman-teman laki-laki yang meskipun sudah menganga masih pede memakainya. Pagi itu saya masih merasa enjoy memakainya tapi lama-lama saya merasa terganggu, saya cek ternyata sol sepatunya mulai melepaskan diri dari lem yang merekatkannya dengan badan sepatu. Mulailah resah melanda.

Selama pelajaran berlangsung saya mulai terganggu dengan kondisinya. Resahku semakin menggebu. Saya memilih tidak beranjak dari kursi jika tidak ada perlu. Haduh bakal lepas semuanya ini bersit saya dalam hati. Berkali-kali saya coba membetulkan, mencoba merekatkan kembali, lalu bertanya pada teman-teman barangkali ada yang memiliki karet. Maksud saya biar antara bagian atas sepatu dan solnya saya satukan dengan karet. Nihil. Tidak ada yang punya.

Di tengah keresahan yang terjadi dalam hati dan pikiran, saya mendapatkan tugas menulis di papan tulis. Mau tidak mau saya harus melakukan karena sudah menjadi tugas sekrertaris. Saya berusaha mencoba untuk membetulkan sepatu hitam ini, mengatur agar tetap pada posisinya. Haduh.. rupanya sudah terlepas sebagian, alhasil saya berjalan sedikit menyeret dan alhamdulillah hal itu tidak disadari oleh teman-teman.

Ketika pulang saya dilanda bingung dan wasa-was parah. Rupanya bagian belakang sudah terlepas semua. Jika berjalan sol itu akan berpindah posisi. Berkali-kali saya merubah model tali sepatu agar sol sepatunya tetap dibawah. Dirasa sudah aman saya mulai berjalan lagi, meskipun dalam hati sangat was-was. Saya memilih pulang akhir agar tidak banyak yang melihat saya berjalan menyeret. Lalu datanglah teman saya, teman pulag bersama. Ketika sudah berjalan beberapa langkah saya dan teman saya kaget. Sol sepatu saya terlepas dari tali dan mengenai sepatu teman saya. Ia terlepas meninggalkan ujungnya saja yang merekat. Sontak saya dan dia kaget. Haduh.. yang saya khawatirkan terjadi. Ia terlepas di depan orang. Malu juga takut. Untungnya momen itu terjadi di samping gedung dan sudah sepi. Jadi tidak terlalu malu.

"Loh! kenapa mbak?" tanya teman saya.

"Iya, sepatuku rusak, haduh gimana ya" jawab saya sedikit meringis. Dia sedikit tertawa karena kejadiannya juga mengejutkan. lalu kami berdua berjongkok. Saya melepas sepatunya.

"Ndak papa wes mbak" ujarnya

"Hmm.. coba di tali dulu wes, atau tidak usah dipakai saja"

"Tapi aku malu, coba bantu tali aja dulu ya"

"oh.. iya-iya" segera dia mengikat sol sepatu dan badan sepatu dengan talinya.

Beruntungnya ada dia. Akhirnya dari tangannya tali itu menurut dan mau mengikat sol sepatu dan badan sepatunya. Dirasa cukup kuat, kemudian kami berjalan lagi. Namun was-was tetap membuntuti saya.

"Terimakasih ya"

"Iya, ayuk cepat pulang" ajaknya.

Untungnya jarak ke jalan raya tidak jauh, hanya perlu menyeberang dan menunggu angkutan umum untuk membawa pulang. Lega rasanya bisa duduk di dalam angkutan umum dan ingin rasanya cepat sampai rumah. Setelah turun dari angkutan langsung saja saya lepas sepatunya dan berjalan hanya berkaos kaki saja hingga sampai rumah. Saya bukan tipe remaja yang pede ditambah lagi sifat pemalu yang banget. Alhasil minta bantuan saja masih banyak mikirnya. Entah dari mana sebabnya, hari ini masih saya telusuri.

Proses asah asih asuh ibu yang saat itu belum saya pahami banyak membuat saya betindak dan belajar lebih keras, meski sesekali rasa tidak bersyukur itu datang. Ternyata kondisi yang serba cukup dan apa adanya membuatku tergerak untuk berpikir kreatif, berusah untuk menemukan solusi dari kesulitan yang dihadapi dan menghargai apapun yang ada disekitar saya.

Meakipun seragam dan atribut saya jarang yang baru, saya sangat sangat bersyukur bisa bersekolah, bisa memiliki teman-teman yang tidak pilih-pilih, bisa mendapatkan ilmu dan pengalaman yang juga didapatkan oleh teman-teman, dan yang membahagiakan bagi saya adalah momen ketika saya bisa masuk sepuluh besar lulusan terbaik. Bukan karena saya pintar tapi saya yakin ini adalah keajaiban pengorbanan orang tua dan doa-doa mereka untuk saya. Tidak pernah terbesit dalam benak saya, anak yang sol sepatunya pernah lepas bisa menjadi bagian siswa beruntung yang dipanggil mc untuk maju ke atas panggung bersama orang tuanya. tahadduts bi ni'mah geh, hehehe

Wajar sekali memang jika remaja merasa tidak percaya diri dengan tampilan yang ia kenakan, karena ia sedang dalam proses mengenal diri. merasa malu jika tidak sama dengan teman-temannya atau tidak bisa mencapai ekspektasi ideal kalangan remajanya. Saat itu saya belum tahu dan paham arti menerima diri apa adanya dan situasi yang dihadapi, dalam pikiran dan benak saya sangat mengharapkan bahwa saya harus bisa seperti mereka atau memantaskan diri ada di tengah mereka. Padahal mereka juga tidak berharap demikian. di luar itu saya merasa beruntung bisa ada di tengah mereka dengan apa adanya saya dan mereka mau menerima apa adanya saya dan menjadi teman-teman terbaik untuk saya.

Dari pengalaman itu saya terus belajar untuk bisa menerima diri saya sendiri, mencari maksud dari didikan bapak dan ibu yang secara tersirat disampaikan kepada anaknya, dan berusaha untuk terus berbakti pada orang tua dan saling membantu dalam hal kebaikan kepada teman.

thank you for your kindness to me, buddies!

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I'll tell you about my hero. he is my Father, I used to call him Abi. He is a clever man. He is capable on theology and knowledge of religion. My Abi is hard worker on his duties and job. He do its by full of responsibility for his family. He is used to being ignorant but actually he is care most. He is introvert, talk less or just keep silent moreover when my mom started her grumble.

When Abi was young, he was very fond of learning. He enjoyed his school in madrasah. He learned some knowledge to some scholars/ Kyai who were among from he stayed. After he graduated from madrasah, his cousin invite my father and my uncle opened a small madrasah in his cousin's home where I am staying now. They did their tasks to develop this madrasah and teach youths around their home. Even they never stayed at the cottage but their character showed a soul of santri. Three of them studied in the same school. What Kyai said and taught, they tried to implicate for their madrasah. They gave what they got patiently and sincerely. I can look any kindness, blessing and benefit of their sacrifice from many people who visited my home and my uncle, and declared that they are their santri and they told about her useful knowledge.

The home where I and My family are staying now, it ever became a school and mushalla. At that time there wasn't area to build musholla but in 2005, my neighbor bestow his land to build a mushalla. And after my father's cousin passed away, everything about mushalla were delegated to Abi. Although he did his job as bricklayer he always attention for her madrasah and mushalla. He kept teaching and became imam in every praying. He is not just a husband and father but also a teacher and leader. He always rise a responsibility in his soul to make mushalla live. He would be in hurry if he had left mushalla for a long time.

Abi is fans of Rhoma Irama and Ida laila. He do like listening dangdut music which is only sang by his idol. He also adore with Almukarrom Kyai Abdul Hamid, Muslim scholar in my city, Kyai Zainuddin MZ and their teachers exactly. Abi likes watching football and boxing match. However I often find him is watched by my television. When I was child, he often make a tale by his own imagination that never we find it everywhere. All of his tales became my favorite tale. It was strange, but funny and unique.

I still don't understand about both my parents's concept of family. We only do according our duties and roles and the education given to us. Abi is discipline man of worship and his children must understand that religion is the most important for live. He has been showing us Islam's values from her attitude and behavior. Abi will give fully support and effort for our education especially religion.

Having him as my Father is a great gift from God. He is eager to learn new things. He likes invite us to discuss everything. Even he is likely ignorant but his attention and love is so great. He shows us from his action. Maybe his principle is talk less do more. I get it.

When he lost his son, aka my young brother. He looked regretful and hopeless. I saw him cry for a several days. He often get overthinking. Moreover after lost his son. He often watch album photo of my young brother. But now, alhamdulillah he is better than two years ago.

Thank you Abi, for everything you have been giving to me. What I'll give back to you is never enough to return your sacrifice. Your silence is a wisdom and your action is a love, those will continue growing ever after. I always try to make you and mom proud of me, I always pray, you are always being on a health, strength, safe, happiness, blessed age and live in obedience to Allah SWT and his Apostle, Muhamamd SAW. Your assertiveness, wisdom and responsibility make me a better person. Abi, you did your duties well and you are my great father and my extraordinary teacher. Plese forgive my recalcitrant, and we love you most.

Your lovely daughter,

at father's day.

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I wanna tell you about my mom, my special girl who has love and affection without limit for me and for her children. Since I had been talking at toddler and called her Ibuk, I convince that she is my save spot, I call her the most comfortable home and the one person I can get warm hug whenever I need to.

My mother is pretty and tall. My mom has good writing skill, I am inspired with. She is clever and so submissive on religion. She is hard worker at her activities and job. She is not too attention toward dress she wears. She is lovely wife for her husband, mom for her children, teacher for her students and cared person for people among her.

My mom is as likely as the other moms, sometimes she is fussy, angrily and make me mad but she always make me compose, enthusiasm, stand by at home happily. Although she never says love to me but anything she has been doing is expressing love and so sacrifice for her children's day especially me.

In Communication, My family seldom express a love or affection by a word. We like used to doing the best for each other, and its take me to taboo situations when I wanna say romantic word to them. This part I am so deplored it. As their children we aren't used to saying thank, sorry, greetings or other expressions, and because of that, it often placing me to difficult situation for saying those words until I grew became teenager. Luckily I get opportunity to learn about expressions in the college. At that time I just had known that we should say those word to the other people for unconditional regard expression. But now I used to saying those words to my family. Simple words above should became a habit since early because its for regard and respect the others people.

I think all of us ever got a moments of Mom's Power. Such as when we lost own goods and we had looked for it everywhere that could be reached by our eyes and hand, but we were still got none. Then our mother took a contribution once or twice only, directly she got its as long as possible. Whereas we had past in the same place back and forth. Again, when I got stumble, after I cried for a long time and just by her magician hand caressed my wounded part, its heal immediately. Or when we was sad or got bad something, directly the emotions would connect with her heart, so she would call us suddenly. And another magics of mom's power we can find in another situations.

My mom is strong and multitasking woman. Beside her task as wife, being a mother always make her works as perfect as she can do. Although any situations stressed her, she can stand by as wife and mother. I look at my mom, she likely never tired to do her activities a long day. She gets up at the first and directly do everything she should do. Washing dishes, clothes, praying tahajud, start cooking and preparing our need for the day. She can finish housework before the sun rises up. She always show us her strength in order to her children do their day happily, clearly and safely. Without her a day in the home became untidy place.

Until one day, a hard situation came to my family. When my brother got a serious sick until he passed away, it was hard situation for my family especially my mom. I can't describe her hopeless and regret on that day. But she always show us her strength and hold back herself at sincere and patience.

Being overly emotional is my mom actually. She can cry louder than her sibling or among us and its for some situations make her stressed. She is good and skillfulness for handling her emotions and house work.

One of my wonder and amaze things from her, she likes give her guests meals especially for her closed family. She tries looking for foods as a dish. She can preparing meal quickly and instantly. She will be happy when she could give her guests meals. My mom also my Abi often give debt to some people whereas they often postponed returning back or cant pay it more.

She is my teacher and certainly my role model. She inspires me having ambition became a teacher. She taught me the basic of reciting Qur'an and accompanied me doing assignments patiently when I was ES and diniyah. I think her desire on education is from her parents and her husband, my Abi. Both of them are born became people service. I am luckily became their child.

Since I stayed on different place away from her, and she had been left by her son, her affection to me is increased day by day. She is more sentimental. Her hug and attention is more tight. Moreover since she has been able to operate gadget, she often call me and my sister whenever she wants. She wanna update her children's news and she is so enjoyable with video call even I got restless when she didn't call me.

I think a mother has ordinary place in our heart. Although he was ever fussy and supposed her as a wicked person when we was child but she always give everything she can do to her children without complains and exactly with patiently.

However she is, my Mom is the one extraordinary person in my long life. She does her task as well as she can do. We are as child can't choose own mother by our self. Everything have been being given by Allah are best for his servants. She has been giving and earning me love and affections. Therefore I must be serve devotedly to her also my dad as my precious to Allah, who has been presenting me a marvelous person in my life. And as you know one of my blessed being as their child is they take me to choose what I like to do and always give a big and high support to my decisions.

One of her important advise to me is about praying and continuity on within. I used to taking her advise from her sacrifice for her children. Because of limited deep talking, her children used to taking model from what she does. Its take me more active thinking about meaning behind a character of mother.

My thanks, praying and what I can do for you will never be enough for everything what you have been giving to me. But I always remember you, do and pray the best I can do for you. I always pray may Allah always give you his affections, his blessed, spiritual and physical health, happiness, long lasting age in faith and loyal to Allah and his apostle. Please bless her as she cares me since baby. Amen

Barakallah fi umrikum ya Umminal karimah, we always love you forever. Thank you for unlimited love and affection to us especially me. Please forgive our disobedient that we have been doing to you.

Your lovely daughter,

At your birthday.

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